Go-Mode

The past few weeks I feel like I have been in "Go-Mode". I have been going-what feels like- non-stop. It has been very full of great things, but regardless of how great the activities have been, they've been non-stop. I went from: finishing finals on a friday > starting a 3 week rotation in dallas the following monday > returning to KC on a friday night after an awesome 3 weeks > a few days to unpack/repack > start classes > leave for Vail, CO for a family trip the following wednesday > Home today, Sunday, to start a new (and last) rotation tomorrow ... Can you say "go-mode"? I am by no means complaining, but feel like i have so much to say about the past few weeks but am going to try to sum it up as best as possible in a few paragraphs.

--WARNING: LENGTHY, LENGTHY POST.--

Dallas. Like i said in my previous post, I had the opportunity to intern with an amazing dietitian in Dallas who works with people struggling with eating disorders or disordered eating (I use eating disorders and disordered eating interchangeable in this post so forgive me for those whom it offends). It's funny. In the dietitian world, it is sorta said that "one either loves eating disorders and runs towards them or one hates them and runs far away". I have always had a desire to work with those struggling with ED (eating disorders) but wasn't sure if it would be my cup of tea. I was hoping this rotation would atleast reveal what my desires truly were. And it did. My desire for working with ED patients grew and my fire was lit to dig deeper into the world of ED. I learned more during those few weeks than I could ever sum up, but my favorite thing I "learned" during those weeks is that this world is so broken. (I have known this for a while now, thanks to Jesus, but He shows me His ways and our brokenness in new ways often). The patients/clients we saw are just like you and me. They are no different. I feel like ED often has some sort of stigma or taboo with it. I actually feel like it has many. Like eating disorders are wrong and that those struggling are weak. Or eating disorders shouldn't be talked about and those who have them should be looked down upon. Or that girl has an eating disorder, and if she wanted to get better, she'd just stop _____. This list could go on, but we have so many skewed views of ED in our society, but in reality it comes down to all of us are struggling. Whether you or I have a diagnosed eating disorder and are seeking treatment, or not, we are still in a broken world and we are having to fight off lies daily. ED shows no "favor" towards gender, age, type, style, etc. And many, many are struggling. Some of the patients I saw are some of the strongest people i have ever had the opportunity to come into contact with. They are fighting a daily battle, that they are choosing to not be defeated by. I learned i need to open my eyes, and be so sensitive to those around me and my words. I was also challenged by the strength, courage, perseverance and diligence I saw in the patients. I hope to have half of that one day.

Time in between. So although I only had about 5 days in between dallas and vail, I had a big thing happen to me. About six months ago I learned I was allergic to kiwis. I loved this fruit, and ate it often until 1 night I had an AWFUL reaction. After a 15 hour allergic reaction, and the sickest i have ever been,it was very evident I was allergic. I was bummed but it was nothing in the scheme of things. About 4 months after that, i had a similar but not nearly as severe reaction after eating egg whites one night for dinner. I wasn't sure if i was the egg whites or something else, but sort of thought it could be another new allergy. After a course of tests, we decided to do an "oral challenge". In a quick summary- you eat a food in the doctors office under medical supervision after being off medications for 5 days and see if you are allergic. Well, after 8g of hard boiled egg it was very evident i was allergic. My doctor and his nurses were great, and I was totally fine after an epi shot and some meds. I am bummed I cant eat eggs anymore and have to avoid all things eggs are in. Eating out is hard, since eggs and eggwhites are used in almost everything. Breads, baked goods, some wines, etc. And now i have to be very aware, and it will just take some time to get used to. But this put a lot into perspective.  My egg and kiwi allergy is nada compared to those who struggle with multiple severe food allergies. I have seen patients allergic to wheat, soy, milk, and gluten. Try to have a "normal" meal you eat daily without those items. I took for granted being able to eat or take a bite of anything I wanted, without having to worry what was in it. Now i have to be a bit more aware. But there are so many people out there that can't eat out, or can't eat X at birthday dinners or go out to celebrate or go to a dinner party or etc. It may sound dramatic and I dont mean to be making a bigger deal out of something, but again, the Lord is teaching me so much about others. It is so easy for me to get in my ways and wear blinders, but in the smallest of experiences, He loves to remind me to take off those blinders and see those he loves in this world a little differently. I appreciate so much those who live "normal" with multiple food allergies.

Vail.  A much needed vacation. It was so wonderful to get some time out of school mode and time full of family and relaxation in God's beautiful creation. My parents, sister, brother-in-law, nephew and brett (boyfriend) all got to spend 4-5 days in a condo in Vail, about 3 minutes from Vail Village. We went white water rafting, girls spent a day at the spa (:)), and spent an afternoon mountain biking down a mountain after eating lunch at the top. We got to laugh a lot, and spend time without distractions. One thing I love about Colorado is the people you come into contact with and get to share stories with. One of our encounters that is heavy on my mind is our white water guide, Miguel. He was somewhat quiet on the ride to the river, and I pre-judged him to be a quite guy with not much to say. The Lord showed me how wrong I was, again. This guy was a guy full of life and full of adventure and experiences. Not only did he save our life on the river, multiple times (we were terrible. the water was low, we were scared, he had to get out and get us "unstuck" multiple times), he did it in the most graceful, merciful way. Always encouraging us and never said a negative thing. On the way back he continued to share is life with us. There is something about the "mountain-life mentality" that challenges me. He loves life. he loves what he does everyday.He truly said he had no complaints. I'm sure there is someone he knows struggling or sick. He told us he doesn't know what he'll be doing in a couple of years.  He probably doesn't make much money, and he probably doesn't live in the most extravagant house. But he loves life, and what he is doing. I hope that regardless of circumstances, I will be one who loves life and all that it throws at me.

Here are some pics from the trip..

My dad and I in Vail Village

Cale Cooper- my favorite (and only :)) nephew

At the top of the mountain with my handsome boyfriend

Two of the greatest people I know. My parents.

I could say so much and have so much more to share about all of the above but i am done for now. Again, God is good. His creation, His plan, His ways. This world is so broken. We are messed up. But He is good. and it continues to be good. 

going viral

So this may look like this is my first blog with my first blog post. BUT I have been blogging for quite some time, i just haven't shared any of it. So this is me, sharing it. Finally.

The last post that I kept, from October, takes me back so easily, yet, shows me how far I have come. Instead of only being 2 months into the internship, I only have 2 months left. wow. When i was writing that last post- I never would have guessed i'd survive to say: 2 months left. what a blessing. These past 6-7 months have been a whirlwind- full of weddings, deaths, hard times, extremely joyful times, moments where i've had to stop and say "what the heck am I doing" to moments where i feel it is so evident I am in the right place. But I can't sum up the past 6-7 months so we're starting from here. May 30, 2012. :)

I am finishing up a rotation I've been doing the past 3 weeks in Dallas,TX. I completed 1,000 hours of my internship, and am currently working on the LAST 250 HOURS OF MY INTERNSHIP. (yippee! Don't get me wrong- I have loved so so much about this internship. But you sorta reach a point where you just want to be done. I just want to be an RD.) I have one more rotation site left- and I am super excited about it. But tomorrow is my last day at the internship here in Dallas. I have been with a dietitian who works with patients struggling with eating disorders. I thought i was interested in going into this realm but i wasn't sure. So this was my sticking my toe in the water, before i dove in. I have absolutely loved it. My eyes have been so opened to the world of eating disorders, and mental health in a whole new way. The dietitian I have been oh-so-blessed to be with is a big dietitian in the eating disorder world- nationally. It was a total God thing that I was able to intern with her. The things i have learned under her are remarkable and I am so so sad to have to see this rotation end. Luckily, I think i'll be working on some things with her so i get to continue to learn from her as we go on this next year.

My parents have officially moved to Dallas. They moved the weekend before Easter. So, i have been living with them the past 3 weeks. It was somewhat of an adjustment-- but sadly i have been SO busy with school and my internship, i haven't been able to truly sit down and be sad about it. I don't know if that is a good thing or bad thing. My psychology friends would probably say that's a bad thing. but I am doing okay, and definitely not avoiding feelings so for now, i'm okay in my book. The move has been an adjustment for the entire family- my parents, my sister, her hubby and my nephew, and myself. But it has been such a great refining period for all of us I think- definitely myself. being here with the whole family has been so fun and definitely gives me an even stronger desire to live closer to them (if not in the same city) as soon as I can (if the Big Man is thinking that too, of course).

I am going to try to be good with this blog, but forgive me if i'm not.

here I am world. It's time I let you in.

**for a more detailed update (although a tad out-dated) , read the last post in 2011 "bliss"**

Today's praises:
- a possible opportunity to get to work on a large publication
- time with my best friends from college: there are none like them

Today's prayers:
- that i will not let the opportunity overwehlm me; and i will remember: alone, I am inadequate- but thanks to Jesus, He makes me adequate
- that the next few weeks and months will not be overtaken with worry and stress. Upcoming events: 2 summer classes, 5 week rotation- 40hrs/week, studying for the RD exam (national exam) coming up in august

bliss.

 Yep. I've taken the plunge into the blogging world.

I am only 22, but have been taught a lot and experienced brokenness in a very real way. I have also been blessed beyond what i thought was possible and am continually humbled through the blessing's the Lord does in my life. One thing I have learned about life on either side of the spectrum, utter brokenness or pure bliss, He will always make it good. It is good.  In certain circumstances, it's hard to see or find the good. But I know if it is not good, it will be good. always.

Lately, I have found myself stopping in the middle of the day or when I lay down at night and being overwhelmed with the good that is filling my life. With that previous statement, you would assume everything right now is going "perfect" or "easy" in this season. But, that is not my case. But really. what is perfect? and what does "having it easy mean"? Is "easy" a good thing? Either way. My life is neither of those, but it is full. It is full of love, joy, passion, laughter, smiles, brokenness, realness, humility, and mistakes. Currently, I am in my 2nd month of my dietetic internship here in KC. It has easily been some of the most challenging, if not the most challenging, months of my life, and it will only become more strenuous in the upcoming months. I spent many nights feeling more overwhelmed than ever, and often ending in tears. I have woke up some mornings having to pray to make it through the day without a breakdown. With all that being said, I may be the most humbled by the opportunity the Lord has given me with this internship. I wake up every day still in awe that I am getting to be in a dietetic internship AND to be apart of the program at KUmed. **[ for anyone who doesn't know, I am working to become an registered dietitian, and for that to happen you have to have 1200 hours of supervised practice called an internship. KUmed's program is the internship + grad school]** I am learning more about life, humanity, and the broken world we live in. I have learned that I am extremely naive, and have so much to learn. I just finished a rotation for my "community" aspect of the internship, and now I am at a children's behavioral health hospital for my management. Healing, love, grace, and restoration are four huge things the facility I am at pours out and needs daily for these children. I have learned I have so much to learn about God's ways and His people. I am extremely passionate about nutrition and the healing food can do. The Lord has yet to let any room for doubt, reminding/showing me daily that dietetics is a field I should continue to pursue and a feild He can use me in.

Being in 12 hours of grad school, and working 35-40 hours a week, my free time is very limited, but is full of the best. I have now lived in the same city as my boyfriend for 2.5 months after dating for a year long-distance (he was in Nashville,TN and i was in Fayetteville, AR), and it is just the best thing. It is something we say often and it has yet to get "old" or become something "we're used to". Hindsight- I am so thankful for that year of distance. We learned a lot about each other and communication that we may not have learned without the challenge of distance. But. I can say. I never want to do that again. I'm not saying we couldn't because the Lord is the One who held us together and allowed our relationship to continue with that challenge, and I am confident He would again. But, if it's up to me-- I won't choose to do that one again. Learning to balance time with Brett, school, and myself has been hard but I am SO thankful for that challenge of a task. He has  been such a source of solidity and continues to speak encouragement and truth, all in love. He has been such a blessing and a lifeline that supports me at all times and loves me through the hardest days or nights.

It is a really special time for my family right now. My parents have offically made the decision, and will be moving for the first time in 18 years. My dad took a job that is based in Dallas last spring, and has been commuting between the 2 cities each week. My dad is very good at what he does, and has had a plethora of jobs throughout his life, and my life, but this is the first job I have ever seen him so happy in. It's a job he will have for a very very long time. He is only in KC on the weekends, and the discussion of making the move has been a long-time "maybe" or "some day" conversation. But that maybe is now a for sure. and that some day is now march 1st. God has been so evident through this process and it is obvious that He is orchestrating each detail so perfectly. Our house has closed, and the date has been set. I have such mixed emotions, but ultimately, it is a thing that needs to happen and is the absolute best thing for our family. It is hard. and It's going to be uncomfortable. But it is right. I am so thankful to have the parents I have, and for them to have the marriage they do. As I get older, I am learning that the example of love and marriage I have been given my whole life with my parents marriage is a precious gift, and one that is hard to find. I am so thankful they love each other more than they did when they said  "I do" 31 years ago. I am so thankful they treat their marriage as a priority and work on it. And I am so thankful that they work better together, than they do apart. My dad is not as good, alone, as he is when he is living life with my mom daily. and my mom is not as good, alone, as she is when she is living with my dad daily. Yes, their marriage is stronger than ever, but daily life together is something they both need. and i love that. I go back and forth with feelings all over the board but i am confident that it is right. The Lord has us in His hands. He makes all things work for our own good. It is good.