November 7, 2012

weird in grad school

Grad School is a very funny thing.

I have a lot of feelings about/towards the whole constitution of graduate school. But all of these thoughts were spurred by a sermon we had Sunday and my current state of life. Sunday, we were talking about what our "beautiful fight" is. That thing that we are fighting through, just trying to cross the finish line- regardless of how it looks or what place you get- getting to the finish line is a big enough battle in itself. I think everyone is fighting their own "beautiful fight"- honestly, i think most people are fighting multiple beautiful fights. I know I am, and for me, grad school is one of them.

I have learned a lot- outside of the content of what i'm learning in the classroom- about graduate school, master's degrees, and higher education in general. First of all, I have so much more respect for people who have received their master's degree, higher education, and/or PhD. I knew it was a great accomplishment before, but I didn't know what really went into before now. And i don't say that to toot my own horn- at all. But I say that because I think in so many situations, we think we understand what it's like, or what it took to get to a certain place, but until you are walking through it, you don't really understand.

By this post I am not complaining, and I am not wanting to be glorified for the fact I am in grad school- not the case at all. I am in grad school because of the Lord- He gave me the passion for nutrition, and convinced the KUMC people to let me in (and pay less attention to my GRE score). I know if I make it through grad school, it was not through my own strength and knowledge. that is for sure. The Lord has made Himself very evident throughout the last 2 years about how inadequate I am, yet, through Him, He makes me adequate (a lesson learned on repeat since K-West 2008- shoutout to my kitchies/ nanu).

As I am working towards my Master's degree in nutrition and dietetics, I find myself in an awkward state. I am graduating in May, Lord-willing, and will have MS,RD behind my name, yet, I have no true work experience under my belt. Most of my college friends will have been in the working world for 2 years. It's constant- there's always something to be worked on, or studied for. It's uncomfortable- I'm not working 40 hours a week in a structured way, yet, i am putting in 40+ hours towards my job, studying, class work, etc. But no structure is a way to challenge me in discipline and in faith. It's undefinable: I don't know how to classify my state of life right now. BUT I think trying to define my state of life would be confining to what the Lord has planned and is doing. I feel tired and overwhelmed. (I have a left eye twitch that has been hanging out for a month) BUT, I am constantly reminded (thank you Jesus for your grace) that I love what I am studying, and what I am passionate about. I feel like I'm running 100mph with my eyes closed- going in blind to something is a common task nowadays.  BUT, the Lord gives me the strength and the humility to get through it.

Grad school is a very funny thing, and a very funny place to be. But the Lord is so good in His ways. He continues to teach me through His small and BIG lessons through my experience while in grad school. 

Grad school, you are so weird. But Thank you Jesus, for you are so good.

I am sorry if this post didn't make sense. I have a big test in the morning, and brain is a little jelly-fied.

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